Five years

I've been a parent for five years now. My oldest son D turned five this week. How it is possible that he is five years old is beyond me, yet at the same time it makes perfect sense. It's an odd sensation, to have so many memories of times when you didn't have children, yet have such a hard time imagining that there was life without them.

The day I found out he was coming is still so clear in my mind. At that point, I didn't know if I'd ever be able to have children. I have a hormone disorder that causes fertility troubles, among other things, and it had been 2 1/2 years since we decided to try for a baby. We'd spent thousands on fertility treatments that didn't work; I had cried countless tears and said countless prayers. Then one day I woke up and thought I should take a pregnancy test. Again. I'd wasted a lot of money on those too, but that day it was the one that mattered. Positive. Glorious.

I remember the day he was born as well. The minute we laid eyes on that boy we were done - we were his. I remember as we drove home with him from the hospital I couldn't stop staring at him. My husband and I kept exclaiming, "He's so awesome! Look at him!" And he was. All that waiting, all that anticipation, all that hard work, come to fruition in this little person wrapped in a blanket and wearing a tiny blue hat.

Now he's five and he's still one of the coolest people I know. He's been talkative since he could say his first words and rarely does he stop asking questions. He's so curious about the world, he wants to know every detail. "Mom, what happens if..." is heard at least a thousand times a day in our house. He loves dinosaurs and sharks and wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up. He's fascinated by skeletons, both real and imaginary, and is far too smart for his own good. Or maybe he's too smart for my own good. He loves building things with legos and reading books about, well, just about anything. He's sweet and affectionate, if a bit sensitive and dramatic. He doesn't have a shy bone in his body and his big brown eyes could melt an iceberg. I'm in big trouble when that kid is older.

I'm as in love with that boy as I was the day he was born. My big boy, the one who made me Mommy.